Tomorrow morning it will be five years ago that i was sitting outside the church manse where i lived in the adelaide hills and having a bitch session with some new friends. of course the topic of love & lust came up, so i shared with them my latest theory of marriage. with incredible insight and wisdom i explained how marriage should be approached with a five year contract. both parties need to commit to giving the relationship as much as they can for the next five years..no matter what. then, after five years - the couple need to sit down and have a hard look at what they have generated. if they both want to commit to another five years - they go ahead and make plans for how to fine tune what they already have. if after five years their creation is no longer one that generates love, happiness and longing...they can thank eachother for the past five years and move on.
that very same evening steve and i swapped phone numbers. mine written on a piece of paper with 'happy single mum' instead of my name. we use october 17 as our anniversary. for us thats when our lives started to merge. i lived at the baptist manse...steve lived at the anglican manse...a kilometre apart. and as legend has it...we very soon began our roMANSE.
the five year milestone has been on my mind for a long time. what have we become? what have we generated? are we making more solutions in this world or adding to the marital tension that is well and truly roaming the earth.
having the five year anniversary take place while us living here in cambodia has shown me some parallel themes that are somewhat too obvious to ignore. like hooking up with steve our move to cambodia pretty much happened out of the blue and we had landed with only a backpack each within weeks of the name 'cambodia' being presented to us as an option. steve and i are not known for our thought through approaches to the big stuff in life.
the new smells and sounds were initially an overload to my senses. the intensity of the unknown made me want to shut down. the risks were huge and scary. and then to have that all repeated with moving to cambodia...
an obvious solution to make things smoother is learning the language. him mine and me his. after five years we both fail miserably. just a tone can make the words mean something so different.
the road weve travelled together has been bumpier than uterus road. with potholes and flooding making the ride rattle us to the core with plenty of shit along the way. sometimes we travel together as a family, other times i ride alone dodging the rocks in my path. but every so often i get to sit behind steve with my arms around him as he rides along on his moto and my eyes are no longer focused on the holes or the shit...but i can glance up and enjoy the beauty around and within us...and just enjoy the ride.
sadly the domestic life often keeps us away from breathtaking sunsets and mountains that call to be climbed. young children needing to be fed keeps us behind bars when there are places waiting to be discovered. we long for the day we can leave the domestic captivity behind and fully embrace the spontanous life. of course if my calculations are correct that means another three five-year contracts and that in itself is more commitment than this wandering jew (with a bad case of third culture kid syndrome) can contemplate at this stage.
it hasnt been easy. my counselling degree with its edges eaten away by mice hasnt been as much use for myself as for others. (in fact the mice probably benefited more than anyone else). i dont think that i can say that ive given the past five years my all. although i did add two new lives to the planet which must count for something.
so here i am on the eve of our five years together. steve in phnom penh with a bad case of dengue fever. coming back tonight after being rejected once again from a dream job because he is a family man. me holding the fort on uterus road. our home still has plenty of space despite five house guests for the weekend. outside my window i see the unexplored mountains and the palm trees swaying in the breeze. thunder is rolling in the distance. rain is on the way. the occasional plop from the fish jumping in the rice paddock behind our palace. every so often a proud rooster strides past. i really cant imagine another life right now. and so ends the first five years.
and its damn hot.
that very same evening steve and i swapped phone numbers. mine written on a piece of paper with 'happy single mum' instead of my name. we use october 17 as our anniversary. for us thats when our lives started to merge. i lived at the baptist manse...steve lived at the anglican manse...a kilometre apart. and as legend has it...we very soon began our roMANSE.
the five year milestone has been on my mind for a long time. what have we become? what have we generated? are we making more solutions in this world or adding to the marital tension that is well and truly roaming the earth.
having the five year anniversary take place while us living here in cambodia has shown me some parallel themes that are somewhat too obvious to ignore. like hooking up with steve our move to cambodia pretty much happened out of the blue and we had landed with only a backpack each within weeks of the name 'cambodia' being presented to us as an option. steve and i are not known for our thought through approaches to the big stuff in life.
the new smells and sounds were initially an overload to my senses. the intensity of the unknown made me want to shut down. the risks were huge and scary. and then to have that all repeated with moving to cambodia...
an obvious solution to make things smoother is learning the language. him mine and me his. after five years we both fail miserably. just a tone can make the words mean something so different.
the road weve travelled together has been bumpier than uterus road. with potholes and flooding making the ride rattle us to the core with plenty of shit along the way. sometimes we travel together as a family, other times i ride alone dodging the rocks in my path. but every so often i get to sit behind steve with my arms around him as he rides along on his moto and my eyes are no longer focused on the holes or the shit...but i can glance up and enjoy the beauty around and within us...and just enjoy the ride.
sadly the domestic life often keeps us away from breathtaking sunsets and mountains that call to be climbed. young children needing to be fed keeps us behind bars when there are places waiting to be discovered. we long for the day we can leave the domestic captivity behind and fully embrace the spontanous life. of course if my calculations are correct that means another three five-year contracts and that in itself is more commitment than this wandering jew (with a bad case of third culture kid syndrome) can contemplate at this stage.
it hasnt been easy. my counselling degree with its edges eaten away by mice hasnt been as much use for myself as for others. (in fact the mice probably benefited more than anyone else). i dont think that i can say that ive given the past five years my all. although i did add two new lives to the planet which must count for something.
so here i am on the eve of our five years together. steve in phnom penh with a bad case of dengue fever. coming back tonight after being rejected once again from a dream job because he is a family man. me holding the fort on uterus road. our home still has plenty of space despite five house guests for the weekend. outside my window i see the unexplored mountains and the palm trees swaying in the breeze. thunder is rolling in the distance. rain is on the way. the occasional plop from the fish jumping in the rice paddock behind our palace. every so often a proud rooster strides past. i really cant imagine another life right now. and so ends the first five years.
and its damn hot.
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