i find that in each country that i have lived in there seems to be a certain type of person that stands out from the rest. one that forces me to stop and really notice them. images of these 'stereotypes' stay in my mind and return to me again and again until i allow myself to give them some thought. in israel its the teenaged soldiers with machine guns casually draped over their shoulders. in sweden its 80-year old, silver haired beauties that ride their bicycles through any weather. in australia its the teenagers that despite having all the latest accesories - stare through you with their dead eyes. im continually bombarded with images that rock me to the core here in cambodia. malnourished toddlers sleeping on the streets of the capital. sun scorched men without any legs slowly making their way along the market floor hoping that someone will take pity on them and give them some food or money. children the same age as my own forced to sell newspapers or dvds to tourists in order to provide for the family. the images that generate the most thought though..are not the locals...but western men who swarm into this country and within moments of landing have a cambodian girlfriend under their arm and a pleased smirk on their face. i know that once i stay long enough in a country these images eventually become the norm and i no longer catch my breath. despite not really wanting to delve into the murky waters of western men and their primitive appetites i want to write now while it still makes me nausceous. before i become like so many other expats who seem to brush it off as just one of those things. like providing swimming pools for our kids while the neighbours cant afford to send their own to school. im not qualified to write on the topic. i have no experience of my own. i can write about israeli teenagers with machineguns...having been one myself. i can write about 80-year old swedish beauties on their bikes...since i plan on being one. and i can even write about dead eyed aussie teenagers since i left the country hoping to save my four kids from the same fate. my observations on western men are just that. nothing more than sharing a table in a local cafe. stuck in a traffic jam and watching them in a tuktuk a meter away. reading a few books about the sex trade in cambodia...and a few conversations here and there with men who are living the cambodian dream.
if you dont have an image in your mind already of what im talking about. then for the sake of the story...picture a 40+ male. (any western nationality will do). add a beer gut. (any size) and a general apperance that would make a woman in the west not want to look twice. the newly arrived will wear a t-shirt with a local beer slogan, shorts and flip flops. the one that has been in the game for a bit longer wears a short sleeved button shirt, pants and flip flops. the cambodian girlfriend is very often in her twenties. dressed to please western tastes...as in..not wearing a set of pyjamas which is so very much the trend for women here. jeans, small tops and if the 'relationship' is in its early stages, a very big smile.
now, i can understand the appeal. the western male...has for the price of a one way airplane ticket, transformed himself from being a middle aged, toxic divorcee (ideally speaking...im sure there are plenty that wrestle their wedding rings off on the plane)...to a wealthy, sought after, only to be pleased and pleasured demi-god. with the local prices even the not so succesful western man can live like a king. daily alcohol binges wont budge the bank balance. young women swarm around you hoping you choose them as your own personal pleasure kit. knowing that the women have no other financial security in their life so you have complete control of their destiny. which enforces that they keep you happy in order to stay in the good books. if you decide to stay on...and so many do...then you are locked into a lifestyle for many years to come that really only the celebrities can match. of course there are some minor sacrifices. children from previous marriages dont seem too pleased to have their fathers living la vida loca in south east asia...but hey...you can always start again....and this time you dont have to lift a finger.
ive had a few different conversations since being here with men who have chosen the road so easily traveled. in every case they seem somewhat starved of conversation....gosh...who would have thought!!? most seem philosphical about it. some see themselves as a do-gooder. giving a local woman a chance to live a comfortable life. (i get the feeling their penis did most of the thinking on that one) others bitter about how their wives back home crushed them and how they are finally able to regain a sense of manhood. one of them seemed to get choked up when talking about his teenaged boys not calling anymore...but quickly pulls out his camera to show photos of his smiling coffee coloured toddler.
sadly a cambodian woman doesnt have many options when it comes to money. without an education (so many girls stop attending school at age 12) the job opportunities are minimal. when its not rice harvesting season its not unusual to see a 60-year old woman collecting rocks into a basket hoping to make a bit of money. with that in mind its understandable that young women see their bodies as a way of making some money. sadder still is the reality that its often someone else that sees the young womans body as a means to make money. despite attempts to glamorise the industry...its a sick reality. and we are so far from making it history. in fact...i dont even know where to begin when wanting to make a change. education seems like an obvious key...but when there are so many young women with degrees and no jobs here..you have to wonder. for example my friend Davee. she has an economics degree but until she finds a job sells barbecued pork at the markets with her mother. or the fact that a teacher will often not even make $30 a month here.
again im left with more questions then when i began... cambodia seems to be in many ways the country without answers. id love to hear your thoughts on the topic. im open to hear it.
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